b’vive.

Gifts to Yourself for Self-Care September

I reach for my favorite mug and drop in a single bag of tea, immediately soothed by the curling steam.

I carry it carefully upstairs, the gentle heat warming my hands. On the nightstand it waits, steeping and cooling, while I wash my face and slip into pajamas.

Finally, I slide into bed, wrap both hands around the mug, and pause for a deep inhale of the herbal scent.

This moment is a gift that I look forward to all day.

What is a self-care ritual?

Ritual makes it sound fancy, but that just means that muscle memory kicks in and your body knows what to do.

When I say ritual, we’re not talking Memoirs of a Geisha, elaborate tea ceremony.

It’s simply a moment you create with intention to proactively take care of you—mind, body and joy—that will benefit you, dare I say transform you, beyond the moment.

Not to be confused with a routine, which is a series of things you do.

If you were to search for self-care tips right now, AI will give you 14. And one of them, I kid you not is “give back to others.”

Ladies, that’s what got us into this mess in the first place.

Self-care is not one size fits all.

I worked with one client whose goal was simply to add movement to her day. Walking up and down the steps was a win!

I had another client who moved so much that a win for her was taking a moment to pause and breathe between activities.

And yet, the internet will give these two women the same list of 14 things they must do for self-care? No ma’am.

Before you go setting goals, taking my advice or searching for quick tips, know what matters to you in this season of your life.

My Glow Guide can help you do exactly that: check in with what you want and choose what you need.

From there, you can create little moments in your day that support it.

And I like to think of those moments the way I think about any good story: a beginning, a middle and an end.

Three little gifts to yourself throughout the day.

Part 1: Let there be light. And a positive mindset.

Do you know the best thing about the morning? It’s the start of a new day. So, whatever happened yesterday is yesterday’s news. Today’s story has yet to be written.

Your morning mindset sets the tone for your day. 

What do you need most in the morning? Energy, clarity, focus. Room to breathe? What’s going to serve you best for the day ahead?

Hot tip. This does not have to be different every day. In fact, I tend to pick a theme for the week or even the month. Sometimes for a full season.

When, where and how to do this? Okay, here are a few ideas. But remember, these are just ideas. The goal here is for you to feel your best.

I like to repeat my morning mantra before I get out of bed. 

There are plenty of morning routines out there that will tell you exactly what to do and when to do it. To be honest, they give me anxiety and a big feeling of not-enoughness.

For now, let’s focus on the ritual—the moment you create to ground yourself so you’re not reacting to the day but shaping it from the start.

Part 2: Meet your midday reset.

Your recentering moment, pop of joy or even happy hour.

There is much debate about the difference between joy and happiness. I went down that rabbit hole and did not return with even a nubbin of a carrot.

But, here’s a fun fact I did uncover: the term happy hour, which we think of today as a time to enjoy cocktails and apps, started as a midday break for entertainment aboard—get this—a U.S. Naval ship. (And shout out to my dad who was a Navy Captain.)

You see the same idea in the Spanish siesta, designed as an escape from the midday heat.

Or, the Italian intermezzo, originally created as an intermission in the opera, but more widely known as a break in courses, crafted to be light and refreshing.

And if you’re a sports fan, it’s simply half time.

The point is, regardless of culture or context, we all need a break, a moment to come back to center. And just like your morning mantra, your midday reset needs to serve you and your needs.

I love midday. What time even is that? So open to interpretation, so you feel free to make it the time that works for you.

What’s the point of a midday reset?

Ah, great question. And that, my lovely, depends on what you need.

Do you need some entertainment to liven your mood or an escape to calm your nervous system? Know that first.

The key is, like any good self-care ritual, it has to be simple, intentional and bigger than this moment.

Here are a few ideas that fit the criteria:

Take a short walk (5-10 minutes) after lunch or in the mid-afternoon. Leave your phone behind and this can be both calming and energizing.

Pause for a few breaths. This can be done sitting in a chair, in your car or lying down with legs up the wall. Take it to the next level and go outside to stand in the grass. Or maybe you work outside and you’re like, “B*tch, I touch grass all day.” (See why those lists on the internet are too general and unhelpful?)

Make yourself a treat like hot tea. Just the act of making tea can be so calming. And the tea itself can be relaxing (like chamomile) or energizing (like peppermint or green tea).

A word of caution. A break is not the same thing as a reset. This might look like:

*Doom scrolling.

*Grabbing a handful of [insert your favorite salty/sweet/crunchy snack].

*Impulse buying (aka my favorite short-term-fix-that’s-not-a-real-fix for not enoughness).

No shade to snacking or shopping because both can be done purposefully and responsibly, but anything we consume in a fog or a rage is not providing nourishment.

When you insert an intentional intermezzo, you give your mind and body a chance to reset. To release what’s no longer serving you and restore some of the energy you’ll need for whatever comes next.

Sprinkle in when it feels right.

Part 3: Let the day go.

When I finally take a sip of my nighttime tea, it signals to my body that we are finished for the day. Whatever happened today has happened.

Whatever choices there were to be made, I’ve made.

Maybe I ate too much at dinner (highly possible).

Maybe I didn’t get all of my steps in (disappointing).

Maybe I lost my shit in the middle of the day (shit happens). 

Your nighttime ritual is your way of telling your mind and body, it’s time to rest. Just like the bunny in Goodnight Moon, we must bid adieu. (Are all of the best authors named Margaret?!)

Much has already been said about how your nighttime routine should set you up for success the next day, like laying out your clothes, straightening up, putting your phone away.

Yep, yep, yep. All important business.

I want you to have a moment that feels really good. You worked hard today. You gave a lot. And tomorrow will ask more of you, too.

Create a nighttime ritual that is a little gift to yourself. Not another chore.

A peaceful moment just for you that you can look forward to.

In case you missed it, my reliable nighttime ritual is making hot tea.

Here are a few others you might consider:

*Light a candle or start an oil diffuser.

*Play soothing music or ocean sounds.

*Meditate or journal.

Like the ending of a good story, your nighttime ritual signals closure to your mind and body, so that you can rest well and wake up restored.

Three gifts (as often as you need).

And there you have it. Three self-care rituals—simple, repeatable choices —that are yours to shape.

You may not need all three every day. Think of them as moments that are available to you—a way to begin, a way to come back to yourself and a way to close.

These aren’t tasks to check off or routines to perfect, they’re small gifts you can return to again and again to help you feel your best—mind, body and joy.

Morning mindset: How do I want to begin?
Midday reset: What do I need right now?
Nighttime release: What helps me let today go?

I hope that creating these self-care rituals is one more way you choose better than perfect.

Be well, my lovely.

How do you know if your self-care is working?

Margaret Faintich

b’vive