b’vive.

Gifts to Yourself for Self-Care September

I reach for my favorite mug and drop in a single bag of tea, immediately soothed by the curling steam.

I carry it carefully upstairs, the gentle heat warming my hands. On the nightstand it waits, steeping and cooling, while I wash my face and slip into pajamas.

Finally, I slide into bed, wrap both hands around the mug, and pause for a deep inhale of the herbal scent.

This moment is a gift that I look forward to all day.

What is a self-care ritual?

Ritual makes it sound fancy, but that just means that muscle memory kicks in and your body knows what to do.

When I say ritual, we’re not talking Memoirs of a Geisha, elaborate tea ceremony.

It’s simply a moment you enjoy regularly to proactively take care of you — mind, body and joy — that will benefit you, dare I say transform you, beyond the moment.

Not to be confused with a routine, which is more about specific steps or tasks.

If you were to search for self-care tips right now, AI will give you 14. And one of them, I kid you not is “give back to others.” Ladies, that’s what got us into this mess in the first place.

Before we dive into WHAT you should be doing. Let’s get our minds right about WHY we are doing this.

And don’t worry, my list is simple. Three things.

Three moments you can create as often as you need.

To show up as your best self.

What does that mean? That, my lovely, is up to you. But it’s a really important question that only you can answer for you.

I worked with one client with a goal of simply adding movement to her day. Walking up and down the steps was a win! 

I have another client who moves so much that a win for her is when she takes a minute to pause and breathe in between activities.

And yet, the internet will give these two women the same list of 14 things they must do for self-care? No ma’am. 

Self-care is not one size fits all. We all have a different journey so honor your own journey.

Before you go setting goals, taking my advice or searching for quick tips. I encourage you to know thyself first. What does your best mean in this season of your life?

Pick 4-5 adjectives. Write a short sentence (experts say six words is the magic number). Borrow from your favorite song or Whitney Houston (and no shame if those two things are the same).

My six-ish words.

Control the things you can like, attitude, lipgloss and how much peanut butter you eat. (Oops, more than six words. I’ve never been good with numbers).

And that’s the thing about a self-care ritual. It’s a part of the day that you do get to control. If you don’t have control issues like me, perhaps you would prefer to think of it as a reliable moment you can count on.

Whether it’s six words or 60,000, every good story has a beginning, a middle and an end. And the same is true for self-care.

I like to think of these moments as part of an ideal day. But you may start to see them as how to structure something as short as a 20-minute workout or as long as a year.

Part 1: Let there be light. And a positive mindset.

Do you know the best thing about the morning? It’s the start of a new day. So, whatever happened yesterday is yesterday’s news. Today’s story has yet to be written.

Your morning mindset sets the tone for your day. 

What do you need most in the morning? Energy, clarity, focus. Room to breathe? What’s going to serve you best for the day ahead?

Hot tip. This does not have to be different every day. In fact, I tend to pick a theme for the week or even the month. Sometimes for a full season.

When, where and how to do this? Okay, here are a few ideas. But remember, these are just ideas. The goal here is for you to feel your best.

I like to repeat my morning mantra before I get out of bed. 

Mel Robbins suggests giving yourself a high five in the mirror (a ritual moment) as part of her 8-step morning routine (series of steps). 

Andrew Huberman will tell you to get morning sunlight in your eyes within the first hour (part of his 10-step routine).

To be honest, these morning routines are giving me anxiety and a big feeling of not enoughness. More to come on that.

For now, let’s focus on the ritual — the moment you create to ground yourself so you’re not reacting to the day but shaping it from the start.

Part 2: Meet your midday happy hour, happy moment or pop of joy.

There is much debate about the difference between joy and happiness. I went down that rabbit hole and did not return with even a nubbin of a carrot.

But, here’s a fun fact I did uncover: the term happy hour, which we think of today as a time to enjoy cocktails and apps, started as a midday break for entertainment aboard get this, a U.S. Naval ship.

A similar concept to the Spanish siesta, designed to escape the midday heat.

Or, the Italian intermezzo, originally created as an intermission in the opera, but more widely known as a break in courses, crafted to be light and refreshing.

And if you’re a sports fan, it’s simply half time.

The point is, regardless of culture or context, we all need a break, a moment to come back to center. And just like your morning mantra, your midday pop of joy needs to serve you and your needs.

I love midday. What time even is that? So open to interpretation, so you feel free to make it the time that works for you.

What’s the point of a midday pop of joy?

Ah, great question. And that, my lovely, depends on what you need.

Do you need some entertainment to liven your mood or an escape to calm your nervous system? Know that first.

The key is, like any good self-care ritual, it has to be simple, intentional and bigger than this moment.

Here are a few ideas that fit the criteria:

Take a short walk (5-10 minutes) after lunch or in the mid afternoon. Leave your phone behind and this can be both calming and energizing.

Reset your nervous system with breath work. This can be done sitting in a chair, in your car or lying down with legs up the wall. Take it to the next level and go outside to stand in the grass. Or maybe you work outside and you’re like, “Bitch, I touch grass all day.” (See why those lists on the internet are too general and unhelpful?)

Make yourself a treat like hot tea. Just the act of making tea can be so calming. And the tea itself can be relaxing (like chamomile) or energizing (like peppermint or green tea).

WARNING: These are some actions that feel like a break, but are actually mindless and not nourishing:

*Doom scrolling.

*Grabbing a handful of [insert your favorite salty/sweet/crunchy snack].

*Impulse buying (aka my favorite short-term-fix-that’s-not-a-real-fix for not enoughness).

No shade to snacking or shopping because both can be done purposefully and responsibly, but anything we consume in a fog or a rage is not providing nourishment.

When you insert an intentional intermezzo, you are inviting your mind and body to reset. You are resetting your nervous system and restoring your energy in the moment.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Part 3: Closure for the win.

When I finally take a sip of my nighttime tea, it signals to my body that we are finished for the day. Whatever happened today has happened.

Whatever choices there were to be made, I’ve made.

Maybe I ate too much at dinner (highly possible).

Maybe I didn’t get all of my steps in (disappointing).

Maybe I lost my shit in the middle of the day (shit happens). 

Your nighttime ritual is your way of telling your mind and body, it’s time to rest. Just like the bunny in Goodnight Moon, we must bid adieu. (Are all of the best authors named Margaret?!)

Much has already been said about how your nighttime routine should set you up for success the next day, like laying out your clothes, straightening up, putting your phone away.

Yep, yep, yep. All important business.

I want you to have a moment that feels really good. You worked hard today. You gave a lot. And tomorrow will ask more of you, too.

Create a nighttime ritual that is a little gift to yourself. Not another chore.

A peaceful moment just for you that you can look forward to.

In case you missed it, my reliable nighttime ritual is making hot tea.

Here are a few others you might consider:

*Light a candle or start an oil diffuser.

*Play soothing music or ocean sounds.

*Meditate or journal.

Like the ending of a good story, your nighttime ritual signals closure to your mind and body, so that you can rest well and wake up restored.

Yours to repeat daily.

And there you have it. Three self-care rituals — simple, repeatable choices — that are yours to shape. These aren’t tasks to check off, they’re small gifts you can return to again and again to help you feel your best — mind, body and joy.

*Morning mindset

*Midday pop of joy

*Closure for the win

I hope that creating these self-care rituals is one more way you choose to live your most delicious life.

Be well, my lovely.

How do you know if your self-care is working?

Margaret Faintich

b’vive