b’vive.

Why recognizing your healthy habits may be the mindset shift that changes everything

I like to start my client calls with some “wins.” And in the wellness world, or at least my wellness world, that sounds like this:

“Tell me about some choices you made this week that felt good.”

While most clients are happy to play along, I often get a sigh of defeat, followed by a shameful, “Not much.”

And then, we keep talking and that’s when the truth comes out.

I learn that she’s maintaining her morning ritual. Being mindful about protein and fiber. She tried yoga for the first time. The family sat down together to eat dinner for the first time in weeks. 

She’s thinking not enough, no big deal, whatever.

And I’m noting: 

✨Healthy habit

✨Amazing

✨Yes!!!

In other words, she’s doing a lot.

She just doesn’t see it. Like really see it.

As the strong personalities that we are (I say that with so much love, I see you my Type A sister), we tend to focus on the gap.

The energy we wish we had.

The distance we want to run.

The weight we want to lift.

The healthy habit we can’t seem to hold.

The body we think we should have by now.

It’s frustrating when you want to be farther along. 

I see this all the time. Women come to me believing they’re failing. But what I often see is a strong foundation that has gone unnoticed.

With all of this are-we-there-yet energy, we are overlooking the signals of progress.

Why we miss our own progress

Recently, I read about a psychological technique called mental subtraction. Instead of focusing on what you have, you imagine it gone.

If you’ve ever watched It’s a Wonderful Life, then you get the idea. (Imagine you wake up one day and no one knows who you are.) That’s a dramatized version of this concept, which is meant to help you see what’s already there.

And just like in the movie, we then feel a flood of gratitude for what we thought we had lost.

I think what’s really happening is more significant than gratitude.

It’s contrast. Contrast helps us see what we’ve stopped noticing. And once we can see it, we can appreciate it—and build on it.

A simple exercise that changes your perspective

It made me wonder what would happen if we applied the same level of contrast to our nutritional or wellness habits.

What if you lost the ability to walk or run?

What if your gym were closed for a week?

What if you lost access to one room in your house? Or your favorite outdoor space?

Or imagine you lost all power of choice.

And someone else is making your food choices. And telling you what time to go to bed.

Are these dramatic scenarios? Absolutely. More importantly, did you notice a shift in your relationship to that thing in that momentary new reality?

That’s the contrast at work. I hope none of these scenarios becomes a reality for you. And I also hope that this exercise helps to illuminate some areas that you might be overlooking.

If you are making thoughtful choices, paying attention, trying, trying again after a setback, repeating a healthy habit day after day. . .those choices matter. Those choices are the foundation of lasting change.

And they deserve celebrating. You deserve celebrating for making them.

Why reflection matters more than perfection

One reason I encourage regular reflection is because our brains are surprisingly good at remembering what went wrong and surprisingly bad at noticing what is working.

I’m not suggesting that we ignore what needs attention.

But it’s hard to build strength from a story that says you’re failing. So before you decide you’re failing, take a beat.

Look again.

The evidence may already be there.

✨A thoughtful breakfast.

✨A walk after dinner.

✨Choosing sleep instead of one more episode.

✨Trying again after yesterday didn’t go as planned.

You may dismiss them as small things. But underneath, they’re evidence of the woman you’re becoming. They’re the strong choices of a woman who lives well—mind, body and joy.

Now, it’s your turn.

What’s one choice that felt good today?

Notice what comes up (before you brush it away).

You may discover you’re standing on a stronger foundation than you realize.

If you’re struggling to see what’s working, sometimes it helps to have another set of eyes. 

That’s often where coaching begins—not by fixing you, but by helping you recognize the strengths and habits you already have so you can build from there. Because progress isn’t only measured by outcomes. Sometimes it’s measured by the quality of the choices you’re already making.

I hope that this practice of pausing to celebrate your choices is one more way you can live better than perfect. 

Be well, my lovelies.

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